Have you heard the myth that it takes 21 days (just 3 weeks) to develop a new habit? It would be great if that were true. But, unfortunately, it isn’t. Not even a little bit.
It is mainly based on experiential, non-scientific evidence (http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/form-a-habit1.htm), and according to my life, the experiential evidence isn’t even that rock solid.
It is very easy to create a new habit and break it, on day 2, day 12, or day 102. How do these new habits, ones that seem to be well ingrained past 21 days break? I’ve got a list:
- Hang out with a non-supporter. Do you have a friend who says, “Have just one bite of cake.” A family member that declares, “Calories don’t count on holidays! Other people can be very influential and bend habits that seem to be rock solid. They do this by speaking to the tiny voice inside that really wants the cake.
It is important to gather the support of friends and family members. Seek them out if you have to: find a healthy eating meetup, join a sociable gym, take vegan cooking classes, signup for the running club. Whatever habit it is that you’re trying to keep, I can assure you there is a group of people who are trying to keep it too.
- Make vague promises. It is next to impossible for me to stick to a habit when the rules are wishy washy: “Try to go for a walk this weekend.” “Cut down on sugar.” “Build muscle.” “Watch less television.” None of those are going to cut it. The rules must be clear and absolute: “Walk one mile at 9am on Saturdays.” “Eat zero sugar.” “Do these three weight lifting exercises before my 7am shower.” “Only watch TV on Fridays.”
- Think it will be easy. It won’t be easy. Let’s get that out of the way. Not on the first day, and not on the 22nd either. Going into new habits knowing that you’ll crave things and that you’ll have to give up things you want makes resolve stronger. Also, if you know it will be challenging, you’ll be much less likely to give up on habits when the get tough. It’s a very important shift in expectations.
- Have no plan of how to get back to it. At some point, you will break your healthy habits. Maybe on the 10th day and maybe on the 52nd. You’ll sleep in, crave something sweet after dinner, go on vacation, have a flair up or be a bit too stressed. Plan ahead of time how you will handle these inevitable missteps. Forgive yourself (you’re human) and enact your jump start plan.
The three week rule is only wishful thinking. There are lots of things that can derail habits that seem rock solid. The thing that keeps habits isn’t time, it’s commitment. Very. Strong. Commitment. The same commitment on the 1st day as on the 22nd.
Want more tips to cultivate discipline? I’ve got a whole chapter for you! Check out Chronic Resilience.